We are a tight crew at the shop, I’ll tell you. We are forever united in our quest for customer service excellence, we stand together as one striving to improve the bottom line, and we are all in the same boat, sailing through the stormy waters of the weekends, Super Sales, and Christmas Eve, and we all hate each others guts.
Ok, that may be a bit harsh, hate is such a strong word, but it is totally true. But the contempt we harbor for each other derives not necessarily from personality clashes, but from the fact that we are a miserable bunch of low achievers with English degrees and credit card debt, stuck in the same dark tunnel with no light at the end, and there’s someone up front with two kids who wants a good deal on bikes and accessories for the whole family and needs someone to help them.
There are many scenarios that may unfold at this point, and what happens next depends on the type of customer you’re dealing with.
The Go Getter
This type of customer knows what they want and how to get it. They mean business, and when they walk in the front door and ask the first man, woman, child, or dog they see if they work here, they don’t want to hear, “No, I don’t.” Once they make eye contact with you, you’re a deer stuck in the headlights, and you’re about to be run over.
The Dependent Aggressor
On the opposite end of the spectrum is this type of customer, who knows what they want but has absolutely no idea how to get it. They are the type of person with a large sign on their bedroom wall that reads, Pants First, Then Shoes. This type of customer slips in the front door and immediately slides into the darkest, most obscure corner of the shop and begins counting the minutes until they are greeted and asked if they need help. They may be completely out of sight, but they damn well better not be out of mind. Eventually, instead of, perhaps, walking to the front counter to ask for help, they storm out, head home, and compose a hand written letter detailing their ordeal at the shop, where they waited for six minutes and no one said hello. They usually like to add how they’ve been good customers for twenty years and over the course of those twenty years, have never once missed a single annual end-of-season blow-out sale, and have had nothing but excellent service every time they’ve been in, but after this outrage are never, ever coming back.
The Polite Nice Guy
This customer falls in the middle somewhere. They know how to find the salespeople, but hate to impose on them, and will patiently wait for help, while looking over the product they want to buy. Occasionally they’ll glance around the shop, indicating that they could use a hand, but want to make it clear it’s only when you’re ready, so no rush. They are the type of customer who, on a good day, you’d be more than happy to assist, but there are so few good days. Their laid back ways usually sets up the old retail show down, where three or four of us are standing close together, each one of us knowing full well that that customer over there obviously needs help, but are all pretending that we don’t notice that person over there who obviously needs help, until someone finally draws and shoots, but unlike the old west, he with the fastest gun loses.
And harsh as it may be, the one who gives now hates the rest of us.
Ok, that may be a bit harsh, hate is such a strong word, but it is totally true. But the contempt we harbor for each other derives not necessarily from personality clashes, but from the fact that we are a miserable bunch of low achievers with English degrees and credit card debt, stuck in the same dark tunnel with no light at the end, and there’s someone up front with two kids who wants a good deal on bikes and accessories for the whole family and needs someone to help them.
There are many scenarios that may unfold at this point, and what happens next depends on the type of customer you’re dealing with.
The Go Getter
This type of customer knows what they want and how to get it. They mean business, and when they walk in the front door and ask the first man, woman, child, or dog they see if they work here, they don’t want to hear, “No, I don’t.” Once they make eye contact with you, you’re a deer stuck in the headlights, and you’re about to be run over.
The Dependent Aggressor
On the opposite end of the spectrum is this type of customer, who knows what they want but has absolutely no idea how to get it. They are the type of person with a large sign on their bedroom wall that reads, Pants First, Then Shoes. This type of customer slips in the front door and immediately slides into the darkest, most obscure corner of the shop and begins counting the minutes until they are greeted and asked if they need help. They may be completely out of sight, but they damn well better not be out of mind. Eventually, instead of, perhaps, walking to the front counter to ask for help, they storm out, head home, and compose a hand written letter detailing their ordeal at the shop, where they waited for six minutes and no one said hello. They usually like to add how they’ve been good customers for twenty years and over the course of those twenty years, have never once missed a single annual end-of-season blow-out sale, and have had nothing but excellent service every time they’ve been in, but after this outrage are never, ever coming back.
The Polite Nice Guy
This customer falls in the middle somewhere. They know how to find the salespeople, but hate to impose on them, and will patiently wait for help, while looking over the product they want to buy. Occasionally they’ll glance around the shop, indicating that they could use a hand, but want to make it clear it’s only when you’re ready, so no rush. They are the type of customer who, on a good day, you’d be more than happy to assist, but there are so few good days. Their laid back ways usually sets up the old retail show down, where three or four of us are standing close together, each one of us knowing full well that that customer over there obviously needs help, but are all pretending that we don’t notice that person over there who obviously needs help, until someone finally draws and shoots, but unlike the old west, he with the fastest gun loses.
And harsh as it may be, the one who gives now hates the rest of us.
No comments:
Post a Comment